Center for Relationship Equality
Exploring Personal Perspectives Prior to Marriage
A Survey Creating Increased Self-Knowledge
Developed by Gayle Kimball, Ph.D.
Adapted by Stephen D. Thompson
Copyright 2000
Introduction: This survey will ask you questions that you need to explore prior to getting married. Be mindful and answer each question thoroughly. We hope this exercise will help you understand issues you will face as a married person. Your answers will be used to create special reports which will be posted to TheCenter4.com: Center for Relationship Equality. If you include your e-mail address, we will forward to you the data you entered.
Our best wishes! Should you have any questions, do not hesitate to contact us at TheCenter4.com.
(1) What do you like and dislike about your own parents' marriage?
(2) What ways are you similar to or unlike your parent of the other gender?
(3) What ways are you similar or unlike your same sex parent?
(4) Make a list of people to whom you have been very attracted; include some of the characteristics you like and dislike about each.
(5) Rate the following items on a scale of one to five with one being Very Different to Five being Very Much the Same. KEY: 1 = VD, 5 = VMS
1-VD 2 3 4 5-VMS Family Background Interests Values Religious Beliefs Sense of Humor Energy Level Attitude Toward Work Biorhythms: (sleep patterns, energy level, time to be alone.) Desire for Sexual Frequency Degree of Emotional Closeness Desired Intellectual Interests Political Beliefs Definition of Fun Other:
(6) Discuss your ratings in question five.
(7) List five qualities you like about your partner:
(8) List five qualities you like about you.
(9) What would you do if you were on a business trip in another city and met an extraordinarily attractive person who wanted to have a one-time sexual fling with you? How would you expect your partner to react in a similar situation?
Would you discuss the event with your partner?
(10) How would you like your partner to react to someone else's flirtatious behavior towards you?
(11) Do you plan to retain friends of the other gender and/or go out with friends of the same gender?
(12) What division of responsibility would you like in each of the areas listed below?
0-24% 25-49% 50% 51-74% 75% 76-99% 100% Housework (including cooking, cleaning, and shopping). Child Care Child Discipline Initiating Affection Initiating Sex Initiating Conversations Earning Income Financial Planning Care of the Yard and Car, and Home Repairs Planning Use of Leisure Time (including social activities and tasks such as sending greeting cards and buying gifts) Other:
(13) What percent of time and energy do you expect that you and your spouse will give to the following items?
0-24% 25-49% 50% 51-74% 75% 76-100% Career Family Personal Interests
(14) Do you want to have a baby? Why? When? How many? How will the child be cared for in its early years? Who will make child care arrangements?
(15) If you both have an important meeting the same day your child comes down with the flu, who will stay home?
You Your Spouse
(16) What do you think are the best methods for teaching children good behavior and setting limits?
(17) Who will pay bills, budget money, determine how much to save and how to invest your earnings?
You Spouse Shared Responsibility
(18) Are you similar or different in how you think money should be spent and how much should be saved?
(19) Whose career will be most important or will they be equally important?
What would you do if each of you gets a desired job promotion to a different city?
Will you expect your spouse to be involved in your work- related social activities?
Who will take time off from work for children's activities?
(20) How much time do you think is appropriate to spend with your own parents and your in-laws?
See them every weekend See them once a month See them every three months See them less than three times a year
(21) With whom will you spend major holidays?
Spouse and children Your parents Spouse's parents Visit all equally during holiday season Alternate holidays each year
(22) How neat and orderly a person are you? What roommate issues, like toothpaste being squeezed improperly or kitchen cleanliness, have caused you the most irritation? How have you resolved these conflicts with previous roommates?
(23) What are tolerable amounts for you of consumption of alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, and junk food for yourself and for your partner?
(24) Do you consider yourself an extrovert or an introvert? How much time do you like to spend by yourself and how much time do you like to spend with friends?
(25) What causes conflict between you and your partner?
(26) How do you resolve your disagreements:
One person usually gives in One person usually initiates discussion One person usually manipulates indirectly Compromise Other:
(27) How do you like to be appreciated, shown affection and other expressions of love?
How do you like to provide these expressions of love to your partner? Do you feel free to explain your feelings and needs to your partner? Why or why not?
(28) Is your partner one of your best friends?
Yes No
(29) Do you spend a lot of time talking with each other?
(30) What are your goals for your marriage?
(31) How would you define a successful marriage?
(32) What internal and external factors do you think will help or hinder you in growing toward these goals? In what ways have you grown in your relationship so far?
(33) What other facets of a relationship are important to you that have not been mentioned on this list?
(34)
Male Female
(35) Select highest attained:
Less than High School High School Vocational Training Associate's Degree Bachelor's Degree Master's Degree Doctorate
(36) Enter two letter State abbreviation:
(37) Enter Ethnic Background:
(38) Enter Current Occupation:
Your data will be e-mailed to you.
(39) Enter Optional E-mail Address:
Thanks for your time taken to complete this survey. Finds will be posted to TheCenter4.com: Center for Relationship Equality.
